Free Yourself from Social Anxiety by Being You
Do you often worry that others might dislike or reject you? We humans are social creatures, and wanting to be accepted by others is our shared desire as well as a survival instinct.
Back in the caveman days, being rejected by your people meant death in the wild. While we can survive pretty well on our own in the modern times, social rejection and embarrassment can sometimes feel like death, causing severe emotional pain.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked and accepted by others. However, it becomes a problem when we try to predict what others want from us and change who we are to be liked by them.
You might ask, what’s the problem as long as they like me? First, the person they like is the version of you that you’ve created for them, and you’ll likely feel like you have to keep up the act for them to continue to like you. That gets tiring.
Second, we need a genuine connection with another person is for our emotional wellbeing and healing. We can’t build a genuine connection unless we are being authentic.
Think about the people who really know and accept you for who you are and how you can just relax and feel safe around them. If you feel that you don’t have anyone like that, imagine how you’d feel if you did.
Authenticity is more than being honest with the world. It’s about being honest with yourself. When you decide to be honest with yourself, you’ll no longer feel the need to change your words and actions to impress others. You can just relax and be yourself.
Before you can be authentic, it’s important to know yourself. This includes your values and goals. Authenticity becomes possible when you know what’s important to you.
Here are some ways you can start being more authentic.
Let go of the need to be perfect.
I used to want to be perfect and was miserable because I always fell short of my standard. If you are like me and don’t want to settle for “good enough”, strive for excellence.
No one likes a perfect person anyway. You can be excellent and still make mistakes and have flaws. That’s called being human. When you don’t need to appear perfect, you can be honest and courageous, which is way more attractive than perfect.
Know your values and live by them.
If you know your values and live by them consistently, you’re doing well in the authentic department.
Make a list of your values and determine the five that are most important to you. Are you living your life according to these values? Would it be obvious to others that you hold these values?
Decide to make your decisions based on your values. Be willing to share your values with others.
Know your goals.
What do you want out of life? Are you willing to let others know?
Make a list of your short-term and long-term goals. How well do they align with your values?
Notice when you’re not being authentic.
It’s not easy to be authentic all the time. You might find yourself changing your words and actions based on the situation. A first date is a good example. Are you being authentic or pretending to be someone you’re not?
Take note of those times your authenticity starts to wane.
Be honest about who you are.
Describe yourself honestly. Now ask yourself if a casual acquaintance would describe you the same way. How about someone who knows you well? How about your closest friend?
How many people know you well? If there aren’t many, ask yourself why.
What are your “negative” characteristics? Are you impatient or messy? Are you willing to allow others to see these characteristics or do you attempt to hide them?
Tell the truth.
If you’re being authentic, you are telling the truth. This applies especially to anything you say about yourself. Every time you are open about your mistakes, weaknesses, and shortcomings, you take one more step towards authenticity and freeing yourself from social anxiety. Same goes for sharing your opinions honestly despite any fear of judgment.
Simplify your life.
Get rid of everything that’s extraneous. What you choose to keep can represent your preferences and your true self. Find your true essence by stripping away the non-essential. Start with the clothes you never wear, the things you never use, and the activities you don’t enjoy. Only keep the things that mean a lot to you.
Do what you say you’ll do.
Keep your word and follow through on your promises. You’ll feel more congruent, and others will see you as more congruent. When your words and actions match, you’re demonstrating authenticity.
When you can’t follow through for any reason, just be honest and say why. You may have urges to make up some reasons so that you won’t be judged, but that won’t do much for your journey towards authenticity.
Life becomes easier when you’re living authentically. You’ll no longer feel the exhaustion that comes with constantly changing your opinions, attitudes, and personality to please others. You’ll no longer feel the need to vigilantly protect yourself from rejection.
It takes courage to choose to be authentic despite our fears and insecurities. There will be moments you are tempted to just adapt and change yourself to fit the situation. By choosing authenticity in those moments, you’ll learn to accept and appreciate yourself for who you are. You’ll open yourself up to deep, genuine connection with others and free yourself from social anxiety once and for all.