Addressing High Functioning Anxiety

When I was in law school and miserable, I didn’t know I had anxiety. What I knew was that I spent a lot of time thinking about my mistakes, obsessing over making sure I make a good impression on everyone, and constantly trying to make myself a “better person” through identifying and working on my weaknesses.

But I thought the way I lived was normal. I had no idea that my mind was causing my own misery and that what I was experiencing had a label to it: anxiety, specifically high functioning anxiety.

If you are suffering from high functioning anxiety, others might see you as someone who has it together, a go-to, reliable person. On the inside, you feel like a hot mess. Your thoughts torment you non-stop whether they are about the past mistakes or future disasters you are trying to prevent.

Yet, you don’t let that get in the way of meeting your responsibilities and expectations. It’s tiring, but you keep going because what other choice do you have? Like a swan, you appear effortlessly calm but paddle rapidly under the surface to keep up and stay afloat.

There is a Better Way

Having gone through breakdowns and episodes of depression, I gradually learned that there is a better way to live and that I could change. I’ve used the following principles to help myself and my clients overcome anxiety and start enjoying life again.

See Anxiety for What It Is

What if there is nothing wrong with you? What if you are just struggling with anxiety at this time, which is highly treatable?

Many people who suffer from anxiety also suffer from depression because it can be exhausting to live day-to-day with anxiety. Sooner or later, there comes a breaking point when it feels like too much. I had reached that point. My life was crumbling, and I was losing the motivation and will to keep going.

Research suggests that about one third of the population struggle with an anxiety disorder at some point during their lifetime. It is a shared, common illness that affects one in three people, and somehow it often carries shame and stigma.

Some people avoid seeking help, concerned that it would be seen as a sign of weakness. Would you feel shame and avoid seeking treatment if you had a broken leg or bronchitis?

Let’s start seeing anxiety for what it is: a condition which, if treated, would improve your quality of life.

Learn to Relax

I’m NOT saying you should just chill out and relax. I’m saying that relaxation is a skill that we can learn and improve. When we are anxious, our body is anxious too. The problem is that too often we try to think our way out of anxiety (e.g., “I shouldn’t think that way, I don’t have to worry about this, etc.”), and it doesn’t work at all.

Try reversing the process. Relax your body first and see how your mind follows.

You may find that when you are relaxed (e.g., doing an activity you enjoy, after an hour at a spa/massage, listening to your favourite music), your thoughts look different. You would likely think more positively and have a better outlook for the future. What kept me going during my struggle with anxiety was playing soccer every week with my friends. I still consider it the best therapy I could ever get at that time.

People with anxiety don’t feel relaxed too often. My clients sometimes tell me “I don’t know how to relax; I’ve never felt really relaxed.” When they start practicing relaxation techniques to experience relaxation on a regular basis, it’s often a gamechanger. It’s impossible to feel anxious and relaxed at the same time. Here’s a link to a guided relaxation audio so you can experience what it’s like to relax: Guided Relaxation for High Functioning Anxiety.

Learning to relax can be life changing and helps us gain control over anxiety as it teaches us how to free ourselves from the constant experience of anxiety.

Approach Anxiety with Compassion and Objectivity

I’d be lying if I said that once your anxiety’s treated, you’ll never experience anxiety again in your life. No, there will still be times that you’ll feel anxious. The difference will be that you’ll be able to competently deal with it and take care of yourself rather than being controlled and consumed by anxiety.

Take a step back and look at your current life from a higher view to understand the specific ways you are affected by anxiety. In what situations do you specifically struggle with anxiety?

For example, is it when you have to speak up and present during work meetings? Is it when you are with certain people or groups of people? You are not crazy. There may be rational reasons for feeling anxious during those situations.

While going through the process of reviewing her patterns, Sophie realized that her anxiety is at its worst when she has to present at work, which I could relate to because I used to be terrified of speaking in public and making mistakes. We unpacked this issue together, first with an objective of understanding rather than making the issue go away.

Her anxiety with presentations was valid, but what was also valid was her ability to competently present and deal with any mistakes. Seeing that it was safe to trust herself more, Sophie was able to start approaching presentations with more self-compassion and seeing it as an opportunity to improve public speaking.

Crowded settings can make me feel anxious. While I don’t avoid going out because of this, I accept it as part of how I’m wired and give myself breaks and self-care when I end up being in a crowd, part and parcel of living in a big city.

My energy is better spent this way rather than trying not to feel anxious, which doesn’t work anyway. Knowing that my body may tense up in those settings, I can manage well using the tools I have and avoid making the situation worse by, for instance, snapping at my husband and getting into an argument.

Anxiety isn’t too scary when you know it’s coming and you can deal with it.