If You Want to Be Happier, Learn to Receive Help

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

Growing up, one of my family’s most important values was self-sufficiency. Don’t depend on anyone, and don’t owe anyone. If someone does you a favour, make sure to pay them back.

We even had a saying: “Go Alone Like a Rhino’s Horn.”

My childhood, coupled with the experience of moving to Canada by myself when I was 12, had made me fiercely independent.

I had avoided asking for help or depending on anyone at all costs. It usually took much more time and effort to figure things out on my own, but I was proud of myself for being self-sufficient.

Things took a different turn when I became ill with anxiety and depression. For three years, I tried to figure it out on my own. And for the first time, I couldn’t. It took a hospitalization for me to finally get help.

A huge part of my recovery was about learning to open up, trust, and receive from others.

Self-sufficiency is good, but there is a time and place for it. Back then, mental health wasn’t something I was familiar with, and I could’ve relied on people who had dedicated years specializing in it.

But this article isn’t about getting help for mental health.

I’ve come a long way since then and learned to not only tolerate but enjoy receiving help. I love the feeling of being attended to with kindness and care.

After all, that’s what I do for my clients when I work, so why not let others do the same for me? It feels good to be able to trust someone’s expertise and rely on them. It also feels good to express gratitude for thoughtful service.

I’ve published my first book, and there is no way I could’ve done it alone without the help of my teachers, editor, book designer, formatter, and photographer.

Well, maybe I could, but it would’ve taken me several years instead of months and the quality would’ve been a lot worse.

Even at grocery stores, I now ask for help instead of spending 15 minutes looking everywhere for a spice I need. Rather than walking around a clothing shop half-naked, I just ask someone to bring me a different size.

Most of the time, giving and receiving help is a win-win situation. The giver gets to help and receive gratitude, feeling happier as a result. The receiver saves time and energy and gets to express gratitude, which also boosts happiness.

This applies to personal relationships as well as your relationships at work.

When you don’t know something, you can simply ask a colleague who might know. You may find that they are happy to help (instead of judging you as you may have thought).

Rather than doing all the chores and feeling resentful, you can ask your partner or roommate to help out with a specific chore. Set aside any expectations (i.e., they should’ve done their part sooner) and simply express gratitude for the help. You may find that they are motivated to help you more and more.

If you want to be happier, start asking for help. It doesn’t cost you anything (maybe your pride at first), and who knows, you might make someone’s day by letting them help you!